Advice? (1 of 2)

[ironphoenix]

It occurs to me that some of you may have good ideas about things I should or shouldn't do, but you may be too chickenshit timid tactful to tell me unless I ask.

So I'm asking! What advice do you have for me?

Just one little rule: if you would be offended if I don't take your advice, please hold your peace. I doubt this is an issue for the folks on my flist, but it's worth stating explicitly to prevent misunderstandings.

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Comments

[ziggy-b.livejournal.com]

My biggest piece of advice would have been to stop dumping money into Carleton, but you figured that out on your own a while ago :)

One comment, that is quite generic to a number of men, is learning to know when someone just wants to vent about a problem rather than asking for help and a specific solution. Often we know the solutions to our problems (speaking generally) or know that there aren't any, and need someone to confirm that it is a legitimate problem and we are right to feel annoyed or angry, or whatever other emotions that are experienced. I notice that most male engineers want to 'fix' all the time, and I've had to drop some friends because after a while all they would do was tell me what they wanted to do with my life. I haven't had to do that with you, as you were never invasive (just trying to be helpful) and we drifted apart when I got a real job :), but I do tend to only mention problems that cannot be changed at all or ones that I think you can really help with.

If a friend (so not a coworker with a broken board) comes to you with a problem, try being sympathetic and verbalising your agreement and validation of their reactions, and then ask *if* they want your advice. Be prepared for "Advice? Well, I guess so but mostly I wanted to vent" or something similar, and if you do get that reaction then it means they don't really want the advice!

Keep in mind, I haven't spent a lot of time with you since university, and I have no idea how much this may apply to you now. Take it as you wish.

[ironphoenix.livejournal.com]

*grin* Yeah, I should've asked that a few years ago.

As for the empathy/sympathy vs. "help" thing, I'm working on that; I think my current social circle is pretty good that way, generally, so it's a bit easier when it's the norm I see more often than amid stacks of engineering students.