Advice? (1 of 2)

[ironphoenix]

It occurs to me that some of you may have good ideas about things I should or shouldn't do, but you may be too chickenshit timid tactful to tell me unless I ask.

So I'm asking! What advice do you have for me?

Just one little rule: if you would be offended if I don't take your advice, please hold your peace. I doubt this is an issue for the folks on my flist, but it's worth stating explicitly to prevent misunderstandings.

Replies to this post are unscreened; discussion is allowed, and even encouraged. Even anonymous replies will be considered. If you aren't comfortable with that, see next post!

Comments

[xiphia.livejournal.com]

I don't feel particularly compelled to cough up random advice on demand, but if you want to know my thoughts on any particular topic, you're welcome to ask me directly, preferably in person.

[ironphoenix.livejournal.com]

Okay, fair enough!

random generic advice

[clinkerfiasco.livejournal.com]

"A spoonful of sugar helps the medecine go down"

Re: random generic advice

[ironphoenix.livejournal.com]

Tasty fortune cookie!

[zenten.livejournal.com]

You seem a bit nervous in most social situations, like you're afraid people will take offense or not like you or something. However, since everyone really does like you, since you really are that cool I would say that there's no need.

[ironphoenix.livejournal.com]

Well, that's a flattering way to put that, at any rate!

You're right, I do have social inhibitions that take a while to come down in a group; I'm working on it, but as is often the case, there's History^tm there which takes some time to deal with. In three words, elementary school sucked.

[zenten.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I've been through the same thing, which is why I'm prone to notice it in others.

[ziggy-b.livejournal.com]

My biggest piece of advice would have been to stop dumping money into Carleton, but you figured that out on your own a while ago :)

One comment, that is quite generic to a number of men, is learning to know when someone just wants to vent about a problem rather than asking for help and a specific solution. Often we know the solutions to our problems (speaking generally) or know that there aren't any, and need someone to confirm that it is a legitimate problem and we are right to feel annoyed or angry, or whatever other emotions that are experienced. I notice that most male engineers want to 'fix' all the time, and I've had to drop some friends because after a while all they would do was tell me what they wanted to do with my life. I haven't had to do that with you, as you were never invasive (just trying to be helpful) and we drifted apart when I got a real job :), but I do tend to only mention problems that cannot be changed at all or ones that I think you can really help with.

If a friend (so not a coworker with a broken board) comes to you with a problem, try being sympathetic and verbalising your agreement and validation of their reactions, and then ask *if* they want your advice. Be prepared for "Advice? Well, I guess so but mostly I wanted to vent" or something similar, and if you do get that reaction then it means they don't really want the advice!

Keep in mind, I haven't spent a lot of time with you since university, and I have no idea how much this may apply to you now. Take it as you wish.

[ironphoenix.livejournal.com]

*grin* Yeah, I should've asked that a few years ago.

As for the empathy/sympathy vs. "help" thing, I'm working on that; I think my current social circle is pretty good that way, generally, so it's a bit easier when it's the norm I see more often than amid stacks of engineering students.

[beable]

Never set the cat on fire, you only will annoy it.

And mind your manners, as circumstances may require.

[ironphoenix.livejournal.com]

Most of this is pretty generally applicable, yes!

[peristaltor.livejournal.com]

If you develop a gaping sore on your penis that hurts when you stick it up the cat, see a doctor. . . but don't tell him about the cat. ;-)

[ironphoenix.livejournal.com]

In the event that this should occur, I will strive to remember this pithy and practical piece of advice!

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

"You must be proud, bold, pleasant, resolute,
And now and then stab, as occasion serves."

[ironphoenix.livejournal.com]

Which part do you think that I need to work on more?